Nope, not Spa Sunday, Stress Sunday. I have a ton going on right now (new job, moving, long distance relationship, autoimmune disorder, half marathon training, therapy, blog) and it’s wreaking havoc on my body. My symptoms are flaring and I just want to cry. Being still is never easy for me. The voice in my head tells me to get up, run, write, get that project done for the new job. But my body, ever faithful to it’s imperfection, slows me down by making me sick.
There are days I love my body. Usually when I am running. But for the most part, it pisses me off. I feel trapped in it. Trapped by the headaches, the inability to eat what I want without getting incredibly, painfully sick. Autoimmune is so unique to each person, so there’s no one thing that works for everyone. Many people think that because I run half marathons and lift weights and am thin, that I am healthy. They can’t understand why I just want to sleep and have to be careful what I eat and need to buy stock in Excedrin Migraine. My family is doing their absolute best to help me, but even they don’t understand how it is to be sick 3 times in 6 weeks.
This disorder sucks, but the worst part of it is it triggers my depression. A miserable, painful, sloth-inducing cycle. I know I will feel better. It’s just trying to get through to that part that can be so agonizing.
Ok, I’ve vented and am going to stop feeling sorry for myself, at least for now. It’s time for some music and meditation.