Happiness Assassins

Happiness Assassins. We all know one. I work with one. She’s in a leadership role at my job and is supposed to help me, but she terrifies me. It’s not what she’s saying, it’s how she’s saying it. And the eye rolling doesn’t help any. I’m a pretty quick learner and smart, so I know I’m not making “rookie mistakes” but sometimes I have a question and need guidance. Please don’t roll your eyes and spit an answer at me.

Her behavior reminds me of my ex. The complete and utter humiliation I feel, the fear. Any amount of self confidence or enthusiasm I had is completely destroyed. I know I give her this power by allowing her to treat me this way, but I don’t know how to correct it. Any comment made to superiors is met with “That’s just the way she is”. I hate that excuse. If you want to piss me off super fast, roll your eyes at me and then have someone tell me “that’s just the way you are”.

I don’t buy that. Every single day we can become a better person. I choose to start each day as a clean slate, and living the “golden rule” or treating others as I wish them to treat me. But what can one do when you’re faced with someone so determined to squash your good mood? I do what I can to make sure this person doesn’t see the effect they have on me. But it’s hard-some days she actually causes me to have panic attacks. I don’t understand why some people are so miserable.

I am determined to not let her behavior or anyone else’s behavior to affect my self-worth.  I recognize there are probably things in her life that make her unhappy and this is how she chooses to handle that unhappiness (so true of so many people). Her behavior reflects poorly only upon herself, not me.  I am responsible only for my own happiness, and I will continue to shine.

As always, feel free to comment with stories of your own experiences and any advice on dealing with happiness assassins.

source: imgfave.com

source: imgfave.com

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2 thoughts on “Happiness Assassins

  1. Such a drag! Sorry to hear that’s going on at your workplace. It can be so hard to deal with challenges when you’re literally faced with them day in and day out. I just wrapped up a trauma skills building group, and we talked about facts versus interpretations– which popped into my head when you said it’s not what she says but how she says it. Her tone is doubtlessly rude, nasty, and uncalled for. But what if you try to separate her words from her delivery? (So easier said than done, I know!)

    In this case, the words would be the concrete facts. Her delivery is more of an interpretation. (I had trouble with this in group, because in I kept saying, but what if they ARE being mean!? Like as a fact? But my group leader kept insisting that it was an emotional interpretation. Still not sure if I’m buying it.)

    The group leader shared with us the story of someone who had been in the group before, and who had a boss who was also a terror– would come in yelling at her, etc. I guess this woman, when she felt the emotions that accompany that tone come up, would just repeat the facts over and over in her head: “There is a man talking to me. A man is talking to me. There is a man talking to me…”

    In that case, it’s not excusing or accepting the other person’s behavior, but it helps put up a shield between their behavior and your emotions, so that they don’t effect you as much. Maybe worth a shot when you feel the panic encroaching?

  2. Thanks Lisa Great reminder to keep myself detached. I have a sister that can make me feel this way. Lucky I can keep distance. Not so simple as a spouse or boss

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