Desperately Seeking Faith

I had hoped I would get through the holiday and feel better, to find the joy of the season somewhere within. Instead, I find myself frustrated, sad, disappointed and worn out altogether.

Call it a crisis of faith, call it a breakdown.  All I know is my faith in a higher plan that God has set forth for me, is shaken. That confidence of knowing I am meant to travel a certain route is nearly gone. It has been replaced with frustration and disappointment. I know I am not to question God’s plans for me, but to instead hold tight to my faith and wait to see what God is manifesting for me. But the reserves of strength and faith are running out. Disappointment after disappointment, wrong decision after wrong decision, heartbreak after heartbreak leaves me wondering why. Why do I seem to be stuck in pain, why does joy elude me, when is it going to end?

The countless tears are taking a toll.  A favorite Bible verse echoes jarringly in my head, but not latching onto my heart. Still,  I cling to it, willing it to quell my tears, cool my frustration.  I suppose I am at the point where my faith is the size of a mustard seed and I pray that I shall soon move mountains.




3 thoughts on “Desperately Seeking Faith

  1. I read your blog. Thank you for expressing your distress. It is good you are not keeping things hidden as I did for three years. A trouble shared is a trouble halved. We will all have troubles in this world, but Jesus said “I have overcome the world,” and in Psalm 91 God promises “I will be with you in trouble and deliver you out of it.”
    I think people forget what Christmas is all about. We enjoy the food and fun but do not acknowledge the Saviour.
    Here are some words that may encourage you not to give up hope.
    “Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. (Colossians 3:1, 2, 15, 17 NIV)

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