Faith Versus Fear

98% of my posts tend to be incredibly personal and this one will be, too. I wrote some time ago that I often feel like a rowboat in the middle of a stormy ocean. The last few weeks have been tumultuous between work, my health and my relationships. I’m so thankful to have amazing friends and family to have helped me through all of this. My faith has also brought me through this difficult time and while I’m certainly not out of the woods, one potential obstacle has been removed and I have no doubt it is due to the prayers I’ve sent above.

Shortly before Christmas, while doing a normal self exam, I noticed a lump in my left breast. I put it to the back of my mind up as best i could until Christmas and then made an appointment with my doctor. I’ve been stressing out over the lump since then in the midst of adjusting to my new job, changing my bipolar meds and trying to let go of The Paramour (and failing miserably at that). To say I’ve been less than pleasant to deal with is an understatement. Still, I know there is nothing I go through alone- God is always with me. I knew that if this lump would be cancerous, that He would get me through it one way or another. My appointment was this morning and I am so relieved and happy to say the lump is nothing more than a benign cyst. I cannot thank God enough for getting me through this.

In the course of this particular obstacle, I once again had the love and support of my wonderful sister and the rest of my family, my extended network of friends and The Paramour. While it’s true I often find myself wondering exactly where God intends for me to go, He never fails to give me what I need to see me through. I still don’t know where I’m headed but I’m so grateful for every day I am alive. Some days may be darkened by my mental illness, but there is always something to hold on for and someone to hold on to.

Finally, my public service announcement- do your self breast exams ladies!

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