Mind Fog

I’m having trouble really expressing my thoughts today but I’m still going to post. For the last few weeks I’ve definitely been in a depressive state more so than hypomanic. I’m caught in this weird mix of self respect and self loathing. Not sure how the two are happening at once, but they are. I go from feeling really proud of what I’m accomplishing at work to feeling down and lonely. I know most of this has to do with me adjusting to my new antidepressant. It hasn’t been long enough for the medication to be at it’s peak so I am still sad most of the time. But I do still get those flashes of “aww yeah I rock” here and there, which is good. My concentration is poor, hence this meandering post. Depression for me is marked by withdrawing and isolating and appetite changes. I’ve been subsisting mostly on coffee and sporadic meals. I have a lot of trouble getting up in the morning, no matter how much sleep I get and once I get to work I’m irritable and want to leave. I still somehow manage to get a lot of high quality work done and interact ¬†politely with others, but it’s just so exhausting. I’ve said before that bipolar is exhausting, but it really is, there is just no other term to describe it.

I’ve heard people say that taking medication for bipolar kills your creativity. I am finding my creativity is there but my mind is so unfocused I can’t concentrate long enough to act upon my ideas. So the crafts and DIYs sit untouched a bit longer. I hang on in my little life raft and wait until I can see clear skies again.

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8 thoughts on “Mind Fog

  1. I hope you don’t mind that I tweeted your post. You just hit the nail on the head! I was just feeling exactly the same way.

  2. I have Bipolar and some of my days feel like exactly what you wrote. I even blogged about some of my ‘foggy’ days. Sometimes the need to write is strong when I am depressed than not, I don’t know why. I get so mentally and emotionally tired of trying to fight my brain just to put a sentence together so I shut down and withdrawl all together. Thank you for sharing this. At least I know I am not alone in my fog.

  3. I needed to read this post today! It took me over an hour to write a short blog post, and I spent more time hitting delete than any other key. My mind feels so foggy. I feel slow and my words are clunky. I hope it goes away soon! I think some exercise may help me.

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