Fragile

I’ve been lagging on posting. The last week at work was tumultuous at best. A co worker had a massive stroke and is now on a ventilator in the Intensive Care Unit and it definitely shook me. Working in emergency medicine is exciting and exhausting at once. It’s easy for me to be kind and in control when it’s a stranger, but it’s a different ball game when the patient is someone I care about.

My good buddy Doc had to go in for emergency surgery this week and now he’s always on my mind. There was a day in emergency last week when we basically got our butts kicked from every imaginable direction. Full arrest, strokes, heart attacks, car accidents, you name it, we saw it. This is standard in emergency medicine, but some days are certainly harder to get through than others. Decompressing is an absolute necessity on days like that and the last few days have found me being very kind to myself and eating a lot of chocolate.

In addition to all this is the roller coaster that is my relationship with The Paramour. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again that two broken people cannot have a healthy relationship. I am aware I truly need to walk away from him, but I find that so hard to do.  Every time I resolve to forget him and leave him behind, he finds a way back into my head.  It’s always a bit stunning to realize that this time around, I’m the more emotionally secure one. My medication, routine schedule and efforts to take better care of myself are paying off, but I definitely need to make a change in the aspect of this relationship.

Normally all this tumult would have me swinging into mania, but I’ve been able to stay pretty level. Obviously with things like my coworker having a stroke and Doc needing surgery, I felt sad and distressed but taking the time to recognize these feelings and doing things to counter them really helped. I’m happy to say Doc’s surgery went well and he’s in his usual good spirits but I sure do miss having him at work to help me out.

Times like this past week always cause me to have some deep conversations with God, garnering strength to keep going. I try to get some sense of understanding of why things happen and just trust that God has put me where I need to be.  Sometimes on hectic days, just taking the time to be still and hear God’s voice is enough.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s