A Certain Kind of Freedom

For years now, I have been haunted by the demise of my relationship with my ex fiancee. The pain was more than I could bear at times and always a ripe subject during my therapy sessions. I have been praying for the strength to get through the pain since we split and I am happy to say I feel free of the pain. It clearly wasn’t an overnight thing and I’m sure every once in a while I will feel a pang here and there, but I can honestly say it doesn’t hurt. Is it because of the medications or therapy or that I have new, happy distractions? Maybe it’s all of those things, maybe it’s nothing but time and space.  In any event I am enjoying the freedom from the pain. It is wonderful to not be tormented by bittersweet memories, to no longer berate myself over my shortcomings and failures. I thank God for His wonderful love and guidance through this and for showing me the reasons why He wanted me to keep going. 

Too many happy thoughts to really compose much more of a cohesive post, so I will simply say to anyone hurting, anyone who feels like giving up or not trying again, hang on. It does get better. You will heal and love and laugh and be happy again. I chose to trust in the plan God has for me, though it doesn’t always make sense when you’re going through it.  Just hang on.

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3 thoughts on “A Certain Kind of Freedom

  1. Time. Everything takes time. Hurts like those don’t go away over night, but they do lessen a little more with each passing day. Good to hear that you’re happy!

  2. It took me much longer than I would have liked to fall out of love with my ex. It was a constant source of pain, and I know it was not helping me deal with my mental illness. It would often aggravate a depressive episode. Over time, I realized that he was not going to be a part of my healing process.

    • I found that the constant bad memories would trigger a depressive episode and I’d act out during a manic episode. I am really hoping for peace on all sides now and I think it’s a feasible thing.

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