Today I had to make a hard decision: to do what was easy, or to do what was right. Some of my long time readers may recall the gentleman I called The Paramour. We tried to have a romantic relationship, but my bipolar and his alcoholism got in the way. Of late, his drinking is even worse. It’s common knowledge among the people he works with, but no one seems to want to speak up about it. I heard all the talk, and promptly stuck my head in the sand. But I can’t do that anymore.
The Paramour is a paramedic. Substance abuse is unfortunately common in that line of work as a “stress reliever” and way to deal with the crap you see day in and day out. Factor in a family history of alcoholism, and The Paramour is set for disaster. I could not stand the thought of him being drunk and taking care of people, of driving the 5 ton ambulance intoxicated. I contacted a friend of mine in the administration of the medical service The Paramour works for. In confidence, I let them know what was going on. I told her I was speaking up not just on behalf of the safety of those he takes care of, but for his safety as well. She advised me that they would try to get him into an inpatient rehabilitation program.
But now, I feel like a traitor. I feel guilty that he is going to feel blindsided by this. He has many demons he fights, just as we all do and I hope that if he is able to get into a program that he can benefit from it. Tonight will be a sleepless night for sure. I do still care a great deal for him and I will pray that this can be the helping hand he needs. I hope to see him once again as he used to be- happy, healthy and hopeful.