Years down the road, and I realize I still love him. I always will. When we were together, I said I’d die for him, this is still true.
I don’t know why, though. He lied, he disrespected me, he was carrying on 3 separate emotional affairs with various ex-girlfriends. I guess when you don’t value your own worth, you attract people who don’t value you, either. I think I am in love with the good memories: when we were together in school, when we traveled, when we had our most perfect, amazing first Christmas as a couple.
Yet I know, if for some bizarre reason came up that I had to give my life for him, for his happiness, I would sacrifice myself. Crazy? Yes. Noble? Debatable.
Should I move on and find happiness now? Absolutely. But I fear I will never feel love like that again. Life feels so empty these last several years and I realize it’s because he still has most of my heart. I don’t know how to get it back.